He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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