Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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