you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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