Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize