Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was like eating out sand paper
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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