after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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