wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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