Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
