What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
