Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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