In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
