1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
