Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
