Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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