He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dicks are not precious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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