Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
