That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
