Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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