so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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