Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
