then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
