Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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