I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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