I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
