when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
