Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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