My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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