I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
