erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
