it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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