it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize