So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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