I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
