OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
