We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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