we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont even know how to be here
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
