i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
