I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
