Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
