Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
