Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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