know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
