This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
