I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
