I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have post one night stand depression
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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