Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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