im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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