Your tits are I can't wait for
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize