I wish I could punch you in the face.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
