Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
