she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
