you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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