Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
