at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
