She said her name was "party"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
