the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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