Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
