blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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