you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize