I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
