Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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