note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize