Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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