Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
