THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
