i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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