look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize