3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
