if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
