dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
