my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
