Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
