Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
