Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did I show you my penis last night?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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