What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
