When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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