We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
