guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
third nipple confirmed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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