Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
