a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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