yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
