i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
