You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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