I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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